The game of flirting
Flirting is a primeval body language, one which we’ve engaged in since before humankind knew how to speak. Obviously, it works. If our ancestors didn’t engage in alluring the opposite sex, our species would be extinct.
It seems that women are usually the initiators of the flirtation sequence even though men believe that they’re in control. This is because men can be obtuse in reading these non-verbal cues. Women use subtle signals to show interest — a coy smile or a lingering glance. Men may not pick up these initial signals and if they do, they may get it wrong.
According to research, men sometimes misinterpret friendliness for sexual interest. But apparently this is part of male evolutionary programming. Well, it has ensured the survival of the species!
However, not all flirting is about getting a mate. Indulging in a bit of coquetry can be fun as well as good for your health.
And being noticed is the first step in the flirting game. What kinds of nonverbal messages are you sending?
First steps in flirting for fun and well-being:
- Project confidence. This means good posture – standing tall with your head held high is an an attractive look and an easy way to project confidence. Not only that, it allows more oxygen into the body by opening the ribs and expanding the lungs, which gives you energy.
- Make your movements graceful . Think Audrey Hepburn, the epitome of poise. Graceful movements start with good posture. No jerky movements. Don’t plonk yourself onto the chair any old way or slouch into the couch. Sit up straight.
- Look your best. Feel comfortable in your clothes. There’s nothing worse than clothes that are too tight or ill-fitting so that you’re always fidgeting with them. Your presentation sends messages about what kind of person you are. It is the first thing people notice.
- Be well groomed – clean, shiny hair and nails, well shaven (men) and wear appropriate clothes for the occasion. Smell good. Not too much make-up. Your appearance reflects your attitude and if you look good, you’ll feel good too!
- Take slow breaths, this is fun, remember! Breathing slowly and deeply relaxes the body and calms the mind.
- Smile – this is the most important ingredient for flirting. And not just with your mouth, allow your eyes to smile too! Research suggests that smiling in which the muscle around the eye contracts, raising the cheeks high (Duchenne smiling), is uniquely associated with positive emotion. It produces positive effects in others. Also, it releases dopamine, which makes you feel good.
- Make the other person feel special. Compliments, if sincerely given, are always well-received. Show interest in what she has to say. And that means listening actively.
- Focus on the moment. Don’t think about that deadline you have to meet in two days or the conversation you had with your boss. Enjoy being in the present.
- Make eye contact. Did you know that eye contact can make you more attractive to others? Studies reveal that eye-contact produces a powerful sense of connection. And if you are looking to have some fun, you have to make eye contact.
Add a little fun to your day!